Should Indicates You Need to Rethink Things Immediately
If you’re tired of trying to please others, now’s the time to reframe how you think about obligation, duty, and guilt.
By JAIME ELLITHORPE
In our jet-set lifestyle, it’s tough to get it all done. Most of us run from the minute we get out of bed until it’s time to fall asleep…and then do it all over again the next day.
I know those feelings too well. My attempt to do more led me to writing it all down. It was my version of a to-do list. Much to my surprise, the list just seemed to get longer and longer, and I felt even more overwhelmed.
Can you relate?
After wrestling with myself (and my feelings of lack of time), I finally realized it wasn’t so much about “getting it all done” as it was the way it made me feel when I looked at the list.
I realized it was the “should factor.”
“The ‘should factor’ is the little voice in the back of your mind that starts telling you what you ‘should’ do. It’s the beginning of losing your personal power and handing your life over to everyone else.”
The Should Factor Can Affect Your Entire Life
The “should factor” typically starts off quite innocently like a favor from a neighbor or maybe your daughter asks for your help with her science project.
The request isn’t as important as the fact you feel forced into it. This initial resistant feeling sets off the fire hydrant of negative emotions, and pretty soon you start to think you “should” do it.
That “should” thought is then followed by sinking feelings like guilt or powerlessness. After these thoughts set in, the mental beatings start with all the reasons why you’re a bad friend/daughter/spouse/boss/whatever.
Maybe you “should “call your in-laws over for Sunday dinner or make room in your schedule for an old friend you’ve lost touch with.
As you think of adding these much-needed events to your mile-long to-do list, your inner child screams, “I don’t want to, so I won’t!” while the mature you insists you’re being unreasonable.
“Good people always make time for in-laws and long-lost friends,” your mature mind scolds (as you continue this internal battle.)
Instead of feeling guilty or bad when “should” sets in, see it as a red flag that your inner self or subconscious is trying to get your attention.
It’s time to step back and look at situations in a different light.
Removing the Should Factor From Your Life
For starters, think about the in-law situation. Ask yourself why you think you need to ask them over for dinner. Have you not spoken to them lately?
If that’s the case, maybe a phone call is the perfect way to connect. They’re busy too, and if you go out and buy the best ham for dinner, they’ll automatically feel obligated to come over. (It could actually be a “should” on both sides of the fence!)
What about your friend? Why not send her a handwritten note or email letting her know that you’re thinking of her?
People most generally just want to be recognized and remembered. Even very small gestures can keep relationships going.
It's All About How You Look at Obligations
“Should” is simply a condition created in our own mind and not necessarily reality. Just because your mom, your sister, or society thinks things have to be a certain way, it doesn’t mean you can’t find your own way of doing things.
It’s your life, and you’re the only one who gets to wake up and go to bed with yourself. If “should” is making you unhappy, change it!
Most likely those around you are so caught up in their own “should’s”, they don’t even notice yours. 😉
I hope this helps, and let me know what you think in the comments below.
P.S. If you want to stop “should-ing” and start succeeding in life and business, check out my international best-selling book, The Mindset Method, by clicking HERE:
